


Words Spoken In The Light Of Dawn

by mansikka



Series: Filling In The Gaps [19]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 08:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14184705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Filler-y stuff for By The Light Of Dawn





	Words Spoken In The Light Of Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) this is a pretty short addition since so much is going on in the episode already

**Magnus**

Alec hasn't answered his phone in hours. Magnus has left several messages and written a few as well, and he's just about to face the wrath of Aldertree and portal straight into the Institute to see what is happening for himself, when his apartment is bombarded with Luke, Clary, Jace, and _Dot_ of all people.

She looks so unwell, Magnus thinks in concern, loathing the thought of whatever Valentine has put her through.

But the thought of something happening to Alec in the Institute when Jace says he hasn't returned his calls either sets off a further spiral of panic in Magnus. And then he's seeing Jace and Clary's visions, his stomach dropping hard for what could happen to the Downworlders because of the Soul Sword, and Magnus' mind is a whirl of conflicting fears all over again.

Magnus fixes himself a drink once it's just him and Clary, doing his best to at least appear calm for her sake. She sees right through him of course, her panic calling to his own, and together they worry in silence, pacing the apartment or staring out over the city, without seeing a single thing at all.

"I'm not used to feeling so… powerless," Magnus says eventually when Clary joins him on the balcony. Watching Simon get his throat slit adds to that powerless feeling leaving him sick to his stomach, and desperate to find a solution, or do anything at all to help.

Clary makes a case for portaling to the Institute and it spurs him into action, yet looking up over the Institute knowing Alec is trapped inside with Valentine leaves Magnus feeling sick all over again. He's just seen what Valentine is willing to do to Simon to get Clary to come to him; what else would he do to make her activate that Sword? What could he do to Alec to bring _him_ in, Magnus thinks, thinking of Valentine wanting his spell book and fearful of what he might hope to gain from him—what harm it could do to everyone else.

Magnus clears his thoughts, makes towards the Institute, and knows a new set of things to worry about at the appearance of Raphael.

* * *

**Alec**

Magnus. He needs to get to Magnus. Alec's just seen all his missed calls and messages, and notes there haven't been any additional ones for hours. Alec charges through the Institute after the Soul Sword has been activated, eyes sweeping in horror over everything around him, and pleading with Magnus not to have come looking for him.

All these Downworlders, Alec thinks, coming to a stop at the sight of a sea of corpses and his heart seizing in renewed horror, all of them laid out before him wiped out in an instant as though their lives meant nothing.

"You did this," he says to Clary, both knowing if she has it's because of Valentine, and barely holding in a furious barrage of words he knows he won't be able to claw back.

But that _Jace_ is the one that's done this hits Alec even harder, and he's—

"Where's Magnus?" Alec asks feeling sick, and scared, and a sharp buzzing sound filling his ears blocking out all rational thought. "He wasn't here, was he?"

"I… I don't know," Jace stammers out, and that uncertainty hits Alec harder still.

"We portaled in upstairs," Clary says, shaking her head in doubt. "We split up. I…"

Clary's words come to a stop, and Alec can only hear his own heart thudding. He _was_ here, he thinks, finding it difficult to breathe, Magnus _was_ here, and—

"Oh god."

"Alec—"

Alec's already charging away, turning back only for the briefest of looks at Jace. He has to find Magnus, he has to, he has to be somewhere. Surely if he was upstairs he could have avoided that blast. He _has_ to be okay, he _has_ to be.

Alec runs through the Institute searching every room in turn, coming across strewn bodies that have to be the work of Madzie. And he should be with Clary and Jace looking for Valentine and the Soul Sword, Alec knows he should, but Magnus—

Nothing can have happened to Magnus, he demands to himself. It can't have, not now, not ever really, but especially not when there have so recently been harsh words between them and he's not had chance to apologize properly.

And Izzy, Alec thinks, the vision of his sister's suffering haunting him already, Izzy needs him too. Everybody needs him right now, and yet right now, he can only think of Magnus.

Dawn is coming. The sun is beginning to stream light into the Institute, but Alec can't find Magnus anywhere, so there might as well be no light at all. He didn't mean to feel this much, didn't know he was capable of all he's feeling. He doesn't even know how he's fallen so quickly, and so hard, and it's overwhelming when it hits Alec, though not as overwhelming as the thought that he'll never get to tell him.

" _Please_ , Magnus," he says out loud, voice catching on his words as he checks his phone again, and Magnus hasn't responded at all.

Alec continues to search the Institute, every room he can think of, every corner that's both impossible and possible as an option as his desperation spirals. He heals a few Shadowhunters in passing, helps shift the bodies of a couple more, but does it all on autopilot, and then has to get outside. Maybe Magnus made it outside. Maybe he's injured on the ground of the Institute. Maybe he's—

He's got to be somewhere, Alec thinks faintly as he stares up at the Institute steps and tries to look everywhere at once, feeling more lost than he ever has. He has to—

A hand grabs his arm, and Alec turns, already holding Magnus tight before he can catch up to the thought that he's got him here, and Magnus is _here_ , Magnus is okay. Alec holds on tight, squeezing him hard, but then he has to pull away from him. He has to tell him what he's just realized, what he's been aware of these past few days but had no way of letting out, or truly acknowledging. Though he keeps hold of his arm for a few seconds just needing the _anchor_ of Magnus being there.

"Magnus, I thought—"

"I found Madzie," Magnus says with a small smile, seeming to want to reassure him. "I got her out just in time. I took her to Catarina's. She's safe."

Alec nods repeatedly, relieved that Madzie's okay; more than he'd realized he would be. But right now, all he can think of is Magnus.

"Look," he says, steeling himself for these difficult words, "Magnus. On every mission I've ever been on, I've never felt that type of fear— _ever_."

It's true. He's faced off against more demons than he can keep track of, been on so many missions that he stopped keeping count years ago. But he's never known fear quite like the fear of losing Magnus.

"Not knowing if you were alive or dead. I…" Alec's arm trembles down by his side, hand repeatedly forming a loose fist, something he's grown used to doing without realizing it whenever he's got difficult things to get out. It does nothing to help him, nor does it stop the onslaught of his words. "I was terrified."

"So was I," Magnus tells him, reaching out to squeeze his arm, and looking at least half as relieved as Alec feels to have him here.

"Magnus," Alec says, his breath coming out in sharp blasts for the weight of what he needs to tell him, "I… I love you."

Even if it is too soon for Magnus to hear, Alec needs him to know it, needs him to realize that he'd be lost without him in his world.

Magnus' face softens. There's no concern, or rejection, or disapproval in his eyes. He even looks touched, and relieved, when he answers back with, "I love you, too."

It's everything Alec needs to hear. He grabs on to Magnus, pressing a long, hard kiss to his lips, trembling hard for what he's just said and that residual fear of losing Magnus. He feels Magnus' hand at his waist, and his other sweeping up his arm, and it calms him a little, but Alec is too breathless and full of pent up energy to concentrate on those things too much. He can't even make anything more of their kiss; instead he rests his forehead against Magnus', allows himself a few seconds of relief, though doesn't think he'll be able to let go of him any time soon. And then he's wrapping Magnus tight up in his arms again, Magnus is squeezing just as tight, and Alec is sure he can't get him close enough to stop that trembling that feels like it might rattle him apart.

"We're fine, Alexander. _I'm_ fine—"

"You might not have been," Alec says, pressing it into his shoulder for the tears budding in his eyes.

"But I _am_ fine," Magnus tells him urgently, pulling back just enough to look at him, and smiling softly until Alec can bring himself to nod.

"But you might not have been," Alec says, his voice cracking, raising his hands to cup Magnus' face and kissing him harder. Alec closes his eyes, tries to concentrate on the feel of Magnus' hands sweeping soothingly over his back, and slowly feels that tremble in him begin to reside.

"How are you doing?" Magnus asks softly, cupping his face and staring back. Alec wants to laugh that Magnus is checking up on _him._  But he doesn't, instead wraps him up in another hug, holding on tight for several more minutes without saying a single word, before he feels whole enough to pull away again, reaching out and taking his hand.

"Can we go to yours?"

"Alexander," Magnus says with another soft smile, squeezing his fingers. "I am sure there are numerous things both of us need to do in the Institute right now."

Of course there are, Alec thinks, the images of all those dead Downworlders there behind his eyes every time he does so much as blink. And there'll be reports to write, wounds to treat, things to fix. And of course there's Izzy—

"Izzy—"

"How is she? Is she here?" Magnus asks, his eyes wide with concern.

"I don't know," Alec admits, shaking his head. "I mean, she's _here_. She's… we're all working in there, but—"

"She needs to rest—"

"But she won't," Alec says, sighing and having to close his eyes for a moment, no matter how hard those images are to see.

"Okay," Magnus says, squeezing his hand and in doing so making Alec open his eyes again. "Let's go back inside, see what we can do to help. Perhaps when we know what is happening we can take a moment for ourselves away from here."

Alec nods, tells himself not to be selfish and just leave with Magnus anyway. He leans in for a final kiss then squeezes his hand before dropping it, turning to follow Magnus as he heads into the Institute.


End file.
